Sent to me at work today:

"You might have to talk like Alex to understand these !!!!"

Glesga Burds
A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the civil servant
"10" replies the girl.
"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
"Doesn't that get confusing?" "
Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.
"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"

A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.
"Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

Glesga burd enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "Gies that rid yin" The man repl ies "That's a fire extinguisher."

A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Morag."
Medic: "OK Morag, is this your car?"
Morag: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Morag: "Springburn."

A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang.
It w as her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news that thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners argh! thump!"

Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.
" Danielle: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

A Glesga burd and a Weegie guy are in a bar when the girl notices something strange about the Nikes the guy is wearing. She says, "Here mate, ah no' tryin tae take the piss ur any'hin lik' that, but how come you've goat an L oan wan ae yur gutties 'n' an Roan the other wan?"
So the guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies, "Coz I'm a bit thick so Ah huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' an R oan ma ma right wan."
"F*** sake" exclaims the girl "So thats how ma thongs've goat C&A oan thum!"

Class :)

That was funny.